HAIKU MISC

Some towns are best viewed
In luminous retrospect
Having grown up there

A turd is ugly
No way to pretty it up
Some things are like that

Ravel's Bolero
Smooth operator's version
Seduction music

Now that you're retired
What's to do to fill the days?
Well, you make things fit

Man needs a woman
Telling him he's her hero
Not a nincompoop

The person who writes
Is not the who you are, but
The one that might be

Onomodopy:
It sounds like what it's being
Broadcasting pictures

Life's a vacation
Away from what passes for death
When bodies wear out

When's the time to live
If you don't believe in God
Or Heaven? It's now

Life's a bit of fun
Heaven's long on promises
Hell? Let's don't go there

Look at what's coming
Death is a life after all
So don't ignore it

Listen to Mahler
Take a stroll on a green screen
Fill in your own scene

Demagogue wanted
To take over OWS
"Communicator"

I'm saving the world
Trouble is, most people just
Ain't interested

You got leftovers?
Save 'em, make 'em into bread
Then that's all you eat

Henry

See "More of this and that, mostly that, actually..."

THE PORT WHITMAN TIMES

HAIKU by HENRY

Straight up bebop jazz:
Cotton Candy for the ear
Pure ephemera

Composing music:
Write what e'er occurs to you
Tunes snatched from the air

Purged of life itself
Coming down to the end now
No bridge left unburned

Death comes tomorrow...
What will you have left behind?
Something substantial?

Playing piano:
Master the "thumb-under" move
Along with triads

In my dreamland I'm
A pianist and composer
Inventing new tunes

Some night I'll decide
I'm gonna stay in dream land
Bridge to the next life

To live in dreamland
Permanently is my wish
Finally achieved

If I had my choice
Here is how I'd like to die:
Go. Sleep. Don't wake up.

Did a bunch of stuff
I had no business doing
But it was there, so...

A new way to learn
How to play the piano:
Chords, not scales, to start

Not a follower
Nor inclined to leadership
Just want to be me

Here's the idea.
Just create the dialogue.
(Shouldn't be too hard)

Coupla characters
A one-act play, maybe more
Controversial though...

God creates the souls
Men and women make babies
Not at the same rate

More babies than souls
Thus our essences return
Time and time again

After each demise
Heaven's gate requires a choice:
Go in or go back

Each time St. Peter
Explains the alternatives
To new arrivals

The Lord's gatekeeper,
Helps each candidate's spirit
Make the decision

Retire to Heaven
Or wait in purgatory
For the next body

The choice is random
Or go to the end of the line
How democratic

Take a body here
Reincarnation bingo
To go live a life

You think you'd recall
Having existed before,
Ain't gonna happen

But talents survive
Make transitions to the new
Unaware of death

"Think outside the box"
Don't fear exploring unknowns
"Walk on the Wild Side!"

Play a three-note chord:
Three white keys each separate
By a single note

Improvise a tune
To the harmony you'll make
With the three-note chord

Only use white keys
At first to learn mo' better
Play a well-known song

"Hey diddle-dee-dee"
It's a doctor's life for me
Healing the body

Outlaw lobbying!
Take the money interests
Out of Washington!

Ban the Lobbyists!
Their money is ruining
The United States

The Jazz Band players
From the Darktown Strutters Hall
Made it all special

"Occupy Wall Street"
Figure things out now
The way they might be better

For Some, things couldn't get better
For others
They couldn't be worse.

Modern Confucius
Is what I'm aiming to be
Making sense today

I think extra-box...
Forbidden contemplations
...See if there's logic

...Educational
Playing in between the notes
Where the wild tones lurk

"OWS!" "OWS!"
A blog now to save us all
From ruin at the hands of Money

Please, not to worry;
I'll be back, and when I come
You'll recognize me

Henry

See "More of this and that, mostly that, actually..."

THE PORT WHITMAN TIMES

HAIKUDRAMA

Haikus by Henry
Just click on the link below
(Mouse-click Imagery)

Artistic people
That's what the Francisco's are
No escaping it.

Never serious
About anything in life
Except performing

We are but artists
Who don't compete, yea, we invent
Thus the world sees

Her father's talent
Coupled to mother's morals
Success is assured

Think in your medium
Form what you want to express
Make it so we feel

Why do you want "Friends?"
Only a waste of your time
If you're an artist

Learn to dig yourself
There's more there that meets the mind
Nuggets of pure gold

Feel the need to talk?
Speak to yourself. After all,
You've something to say

Hooked on "feeling good,"
But the older you get
Fewer are the ways

Two exclusive things:
Where you are, and where you're at
So how about you?

You're an old man now
Stop trying to rescue yourself
You're already saved

Stay right there Henry
You've got where you want to go
Develop that thing

Where does the time go
When you're havin' all that fun?
To posterity

Songs about money
Now you have it now you don't
Denominators

Here's a new riffle:
Noontime piano at the bank
(Happy money tunes)

"The financial blues
Disappear at PNC
Celebrate your dough"

In the actor's mind
Stardom is the goal somehow
Good, bad, no matter

I know how he felt
John Wilkes Booth, that assassin
No one would listen

No one would watch him
Do Hamlet or Richard III
So he shot Lincoln

Make friends with the bugs
It's they who will devour you
As their final meal

Government needs dough?
Why not tax the Internet:
Emails that we read

If System X is
As far as you want to go,
Does your stuff? Keep it.

Running from the past
Can't be such a bad idea
Keeps you in good shape

"Give your mind over"
A form of insanity:
Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's may not
Be too bad. You'll remember
A bunch of NEW things

FLASH! to Mike Henry:
The neighborhood talent show
Cleveland and his friends

You get a chance to
Show off the whole neighborhood
Getting up on stage

Tell a tale 'bout you
Something you did that made me
Love you even more

He sang boy to boy
Love songs, as Cole Porter would
And he meant them too

Sang in a gay bar
Tell me, are there still gay bars?
I've lost touch, it seems

Exponentially
You can be cyber-famous
Rapid expansion

Ideas are catching
Their contagion quite rampant
Good ones OR bad ones

But will they catch on?
Against inoculations
By their opponents

Tell you a story
It kinda jumps around
It's all in Haiku

I want to write it
Before I forget it all
The way it happened

So I'll tell you things
Just as I remember them
From my pinnacle

It is all in there
The Port Whitman Times dot com
Blogspot Daily Realm

Give me a forum
Where I can express my thoughts
And I'll change your mind

Marijuana's charge:
It makes you think that you are
More of what you are

Shave and a haircut
Luxuries of days gone by
Yet not forgotten

Charlene sure could dance
But she was a big girl, see?
So she sorta "cruised."

In rhythm, mind you
Smooth, coming in to the dock
Rhythmic motorboat

No, not Italian
The Franciscos have been here
Before Jeffersons

Temptations to do
Outweigh those to read about
Till doing is o'er

Blizzard! From inside...
The image of our front door
Top to bottom snow

Have you ever read
Anything I wrote, or heard
Music that I played?

Winter is comin'
Keep your feet warm, your neck too
Ward off sickness

Father, I have sins
Too numerous to mention
Please forgive them all

When someone dies young
Somehow he stays forever
That age in our minds

In The Poet's Mind
Ev'rything becomes Haiku
Singularly plain

In my oddball way
I long to be relevant
To mean something more

Music takes you back
To places you might not want
Ever to return

Want to be happy?
Be able to get into
Whatever you do.

You can be happy
Just don't court money or fame
Enjoy what you do

Chords are merriment
Really int'resting puzzles
You solve in your ear

Chords: merry notions
Interesting enigmas
You solve in your ear

We know how he died
But lo, what was he thinking
As he passed away?

You got leftovers?
Save 'em, make 'em into bread
Then that's all you eat..

"I've decided that
I'm going to be insane"
Speaketh the shirker

"Fuck the whole damn world
Nobody understands me!"
So saith the fool

Do insane people
Decide to go 'round the bend?
Do they make a choice?

Ev'rything's reduced
To Haiku, in precisely
One idea per

Haiku Universe
Comprised of new ideas
Expressed in verse

To play the piano:
The "thumb-under" maneuver
Along with triads

School defies PC
Political Correctness
Swims against the tide

Life's a controlled mess
Like bricklaying: mortar, block,
Formed into buildings

After you build it
Step back, appreciate it
You fade away, die.

One can but wonder
At all of Hitler's power
How it went so wrong

Somehow stay playful
And your youth is well-assured.
It's all "attitude."

Whorehouse pianist
Played tunes for getting it on
Picking one's pleasures

Henry Francisco
More at The Port Whitman Times

STILL MORE HAIKU

That we all would be
Someone's favorite something,
Remembered as such...

Surely to be wished
But it's mighty elusive
Mem'ry's Hall of Fame

Whose fav'rites are we?
Or have we seen the death of
(I should say passing)

"Favorite-ism"
Replaced by that old standard
Popularity?

I s'pose that's "High School"
Yet, that's how we live again
Recalling good years,

Best times traded for
Whatever was to follow,
If and when it came.

Thus we are here now
Casting our teacher in mind
Ah! There! Up ahead...

He goes; knows the way
As he did those years ago
Our English guru.

Yea his spirit lives
In our imaginations
He sparked 'way back then.

So, we'll get there too:
Class reunions in ether -
"The Bells" ring again...

Running from the past
Can't be such a bad idea
Keeps you in good shape

"Give your mind over"
A form of insanity:
Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's may not
Be too bad. You'll remember
A bunch of NEW things

FLASH! to Mike Henry:
The neighborhood talent show
Cleveland and his friends

You get a chance to
Show off the whole neighborhood
Getting up on stage

Tell a tale 'bout you
Something you did that made me
Love you even more

He sang boy to boy
Love songs, as Cole Porter would
And he meant them too

He sang it in a gay bar
Tell me, are there still gay bars?
I've lost touch, it seems

Exponentially
Become famous on the 'net
Rapid expansion

Ideas are catching
Their contagion quite rampant
Good ones OR bad ones

But will they catch on?
Against inoculations
By their opponents

Tell you a story
It kinda jumps around
It's all in Haiku

I want to write it
Before I forget it all
The way it happened

So I'll tell you things
Just as I remember them
From my pinnacle

It is all in there
The Port Whitman Times dot com
Blogspot Daily Realm

Give me a forum
Where I can express my thoughts
And I'll change your mind

Marijuana's charge:
It makes you think that you are
More of what you are

Shave and a haircut
Luxuries of days gone by
Yet not forgotten

Charlene sure could dance
But she was a big girl, see?
So she sorta "cruised."

In rhythm, mind you
Smooth, coming in to the dock
A real motorboat

No, not Italian
The Franciscos have been here
Before Jeffersons

Temptations to do
Outweigh those to read about
Till doing is done

After a blizzard
The image of our front door
Top to bottom snow

Have you ever read
Anything I wrote, or heard
Music that I played?

Winter is comin'
Keep your feet warm, your neck too
Ward off sickness

Father, I have sins
Too numerous to mention
Please forgive them all

Henry Francisco
More at The Port Whitman Times

HAIKU OR BUST!

Enjoy what you got
Don't worry 'bout what you ain't*
*Key to happy life

Do what you can do
Avoid the things that you can't
(Only so much time...)

Dregs of life remain
To be consumed with gusto
Till they're all used up

When it's time to die
Move on. Another life waits
Yearning to be lived.

As the years pass by
We search for some relevance
Keeping up the fight

Artistic talent
Warrior mentality
Need them both. Too bad.

A life in Haiku
In seventeen syllables
Snapshots of a time

In Haiku-gawa
Everyone speaks only
Lyrical Language

It's not the doing,
What's important is the myth
Of the enjoyment

A young man, I sang
"Ma, he's making eyes at me"
In gay cabarets

Storms of life o'er time
Raindrops racing down windows
Inconsequential

In a dream I play
The piano at the bank
Moolah serenades

Haunted by mem'ries
I wend my way to dreamland
Behold new visions!

Who needs memory?
Now we have hard drives, thumb drives
To store our thinking

Think with the rhythm
Ravings of a lunatic
Predict the future

I just pretended
To have Alzheimer's Disease
"I don't know nuthin'"

I just didn't want
To converse with anyone
In the time I had

Exercise guru:
He's ninety seven years old
Doin' funky moves

The ultimate drug
But only while you taste it
A Henry's Ice Cream

Haikus by Henry
Just click on the link below
(Mouse-click Imagery)

Henry Francisco
More at The Port Whitman Times

HEALTH CARE LIMITS

The problem is that nobody has any control over the HealthCare Industry. Not the government, surely not the sick who need it, not the Insurance Industry because they're PART of the HealthCare Industry. So the providers, the docs, the hospitals, the drug companies, all the servicers, are free to charge, in that old Wharton School adage "What the traffic will bear." And when you're sick, guess what - They gotcha. You'll do just about anything - ANYTHING - to get better, if that is a possibility, OR to bear pleasantly the illness that kills you.

If there were Government Universal HealthCare Insurance, competition would exist. Private employers, local and state governments, the federal government, wouldn't have to carry insurance for their workers with private companies; soon, Government would be, if not the ONLY provider, at least a competitor in the market. Ah, Free Coverage - an incentive to stay healthy because the Universal policy covering just basic stuff would be the policy of choice over the bloated policies of private insurers. Not a hard choice.

Think: HealthCare for free. Especially if you STAY healthy by eating right, staying in shape, exercising regularly. Because with an unhealthy lifestyle, you're gonna want that private cadillac coverage, because you're gonna NEED it, and you're gonna PAY bigtime.

So "To pay or not to pay" - That is the question. You'll pay less if it's Universal.

Henry Francisco
More at The Port Whitman Times

HAIKU THOUGHTS 09062011

Artistic people
That's what the Francisco's are
No escaping it.

Never serious
About anything in life
Except performing

We are but artists
Who don't compete, yea, we invent
Thus the world sees

Her father's talent
Coupled to mother's morals
Success is assured

Think in your medium
Form what you want to express
Make it so we feel

Why do you want "Friends?"
Only a waste of your time
If you're an artist

Learn to dig yourself
There's more there that meets the mind
Nuggets of pure gold

Feel the need to talk?
Speak to yourself. After all,
You've something to say

Hooked on "feeling good,"
But the older you get
Fewer are the ways

Two exclusive things:
Where you are, and where you're at
So how about you?

You're an old man now
Stop trying to rescue yourself
You're already saved

Stay right there Henry
You've got where you want to go
Develop that thing

Where does the time go
When you're havin' all that fun?
To posterity

Songs about money
Now you have it now you don't
Denominators

Here's a new riffle:
Noontime piano at the bank
(Happy money tunes)

"The financial blues
Disappear at PNC
Celebrate your dough"

In the actor's mind
Stardom is the goal somehow
Good, bad, no matter

I know how he felt
John Wilkes Booth, that assassin
No one would listen

No one would watch him
Do Hamlet or Richard III
So he shot Lincoln

Make friends with the bugs
It's they who will devour you
As their final meal

Government needs dough?
Why not tax the Internet:
Emails that we read

If System X is
As far as you want to go,
Does your stuff? Keep it.

Henry Francisco
More at The Port Whitman Times

THE LIFE SAVER GAME

© Port Whitman Times 2005

Dad was always the family winner of the Life Saver Game. We all played, usually on long trips, when he'd bring packs of Life Savers, Spearmint and Doublemint gum from our store. To play, we'd each take a whole Life Saver squeezed off from the top of the pack, and put it in our furthest mouths to suck. Simply, the one whose LS remained whole the longest won the game. No prize, just the joy of beating the others.

We all tried to keep dad talking, because we knew that was what generated the saliva that wet the Life Saver, otherwise it was no contest. He had some neat little dry pocket where he'd tuck it away, and when the first of ours broke and we all had to show, his would invariably be the biggest - you could still see the raised imprint that said "Life Saver," usually.

He'd conserve & conserve, and we'd try & try to get him talking, only succeeding at doing all the talking ourselves, with you-know-what result. Occasionally he'd talk enough so's it'd even matters up, and we got better as we got older, our mouths deepening. Now I'm the dad, and I get to win, cause my mouth is bigger, er, deeper.

It occurred to me that dad's now playing the same game - more seriously - with his body. Seventy nine, he's going for eighty, then it'll be eighty one, two... got himself tucked away in a corner, not using any more than absolutely necessary, down in some crevice, dry, comfortable happy, taking it one life saver at a time.

Henry Francisco (1987)
The Port Whitman Times

THE HEALTH CARE INDUSTRY

© Port Whitman Times 2008

The problem with the entire Health Care industry, from drug manufacturers to hospitals to insurance companies to pharmacies to nursing homes to suppliers of medical equipment right down to doctors and nurses, is that it IS an INDUSTRY - geared to making money, for its participants and for its investors. Yessiree, for all involved, greed is good.

Watch TV; see your money being poured down the drain. Every other ad is for something in Health Care. "Ask your doctor" is the most heard phrase. Of course "Doctor doesn't advertise, this would be beneath his professional ethics," so the drug companies and the hospitals do it for doctor. This is a collective, conspiratorial business, a racket really, designed to make a maximum profit out of the misfortunes of people who happen to get sick or might get sick. Surely if the Mafia ran the Health Care industry, we'd get a better deal than we're getting from the current white-collar criminals involved in fleecing the infirm. And what can the infirm do about it? NOTHING! When you're sick in the good old USA you've just gotta bite the bullet and pay through the nose. Breathe deep!

And the lawyers, not to be denied, sue at every turn, so the docs pay the liability insurance, and their prices go up to cover the premiums. Who pays for it all? One guess!

It's no wonder those in unions who have the power to negotiate, demand medical coverage up to the hilt or else they go on strike and inconvenience everybody. They can see, as we senior citizens can, just how the Health Care industry is heartlessly scamming the people who have no control over prices for things they MUST have to live.

Once upon a time, when medical/hospitalization insurance first began, it was very low-cost, and non-profit, and certainly no advertising was involved because those who needed it just got it and it was a pure insurance, i.e., the risk was spread over many people paying. But suddenly the hospitals became profit-making businesses, as did the doctors hiding behind their corporate shields, and the lawyers who sued the doctors for the whining and malingering clients drove up the cost of malpractice insurance making big bucks for them and the insurance companies, the drug companies realized they could also hold up anybody who needed their product to live, the pharmacies increased their profit margins to match that of the drug companies, and so forth...

It's getting to the point where consumers in need might paraphrase Patrick Henry and say "Give me universal health care, or give me death!" But then, death is what we'll get out of that one, so one might as well move to Canada, England, or any number of other civilized countries where Health Care is universal and free.

Henry Francisco
The Port Whitman Times

WHAT SEEMS

© Port Whitman Times 2008

There is a major problem in political perception. That is that the Democrats are for the poor, the Republicans for the rich. You can hardly blame the Dems, since getting elected is the first order of business, and currently the poor are a large, electorally influential group increasing in their numbers. Since we count one vote per body, the party that says it's for the poor has, one would assume, automatically more votes on election day.

Now, since we are paying the poor just to stay alive, with possibly their one contribution to the system being their vote, we're (Dems AND Repubs) literally paying them for their votes. So whoever pays more of them more, i.e., the bigger briber, gets more votes. And the poorer and dumber he keeps them, with just enough cash to survive, the more surely he can predict that his bribe will produce a vote.

Actually, it's not bad, being paid to stay alive. Gives you a chance to get your life together when you're down; but being paid to stay STUPID, something else, to stay poor, unthinkable. Being paid for doing nothing though, sure has merits, y'know? Because in that time other people are using to keep themselves alive, you can be, oh, doing something, something constructive, one would hope.

But back to perception, mis-perception really, part of which is that many people perceive the party that gives the poor the most money operates for their greatest benefit. But look closer -you'll find it not so. In fact, quite the opposite sometimes.

But who does operate in the best interests of the people he proposes to lead, the person who gives them more money, or the one who gives them more education? Not that I'm claiming one party or another DOES, but which party, would you say, is more committed to educating more people faster and better? There's a party worth attending to, and staying with.

Henry Francisco
The Port Whitman Times

BUY MEXICO!

© Port Whitman Times 2007

Since we are criminalizing, then looking away then accepting then hiring then persecuting then deporting then fining then considering then ignoring then accepting then licensing then registering then educating then embracing then legalizing them (The Mexicans).....

Why doesn't the U.S. just BUY Mexico?

I'm sure there's a price, between their dream top peso and our dream bottom dollar, that can be struck; maybe they'll pay us to take it. So instead of all the Mexicans moving here, we can comfortably move there, share our country and all its products including jobs with them, and we get land, oceanfront (Beachfront villas for the retirees), we get oil (Sixth largest oil producer with 12.5% of the world's reserves), and we get people to do those jobs that nobody wants. At a fair price of course.

We get enough oil to last us until the alternative-powered car is developed and for sale, at a fair price.

The Mexican police remain where they are, becoming state police of Mexico. Their President becomes the governor of the state of Mexico, the constitution of the state is drafted, and everyone remains where they are, militia included, a paycheck continuing, coming every two weeks. Saves on the traveling, depriving the oil cartels of that much of their exorbitant fuel profit it from we who are currently overdcharged.

With the permission of the Mexicans, we adopt English as the official language, but retain Spanish which everyone is required to learn, teaching three years of it in the high schools, and free lessons in all the churches. That creates jobs for English and Spanish teachers, and interest in each-other's culture, which is the case anyway.

What are we waiting for? The Mexicans probably want it more than we do. Just do it! Go there with planeloads of money, bank account numbers, and buy everyone. It would surely be cheaper than making war in Iraq. Nobody gets killed and we'd get a lot more for our money. This could be the Keystone of the GWB presidency ("George, here's something that could save your presidency, make it really count."), the acquisition of Mexico as the 52nd state.

Now, what if the Mexicans balk? What if they take a vote, and the Mexicans say "No?" That means we haven't spent enough money convincing them. But I betcha the Mexicans would jump at the chance. How to do it is the only roadblock, which can be cleared easily. Maybe it would be better to get the Mexican Government to declare bankruptcy, and the US buys them out of it - with the condition that they become a state, which they do, and an election is scheduled six months from now, meanwhile, for six months we shower them with that inimitable USA hospitality.

We get them, their land available for development, their Music, their food, their long American Heritage (We can't pretend we're English forever). What do they get? Why, they get us and our American Heritage such as it is. Both of course have their drawbacks, but you accept the chaff with the wheat.

Or, another way, why not buy Mexico a little at a time, say an acre, with all the rights of secession from the Mexican Union such as it is, and just eat our way with money, into Mexico an acre at a time. "Who will buy? Our Beautiful Taco Bell?"

Not that Mexico per se is any great bargain, there are a great many poor, undereducated Mexicans who are gonna need help. And for simply doing that, we get all of the above, plus all of the below.

Henry Francisco
The Port Whitman Times

KEYBOARD SYMPHONY, A NEW RIFF

PORT WHITMAN February 9, 2010 - Undaunted by the discontinuance of the Port Whitman Symphony Orchestra, disbanded early this year because of lack of community support amid financial problems, Michael Backstrom, the former conductor of the orchestra, whose controversial taste in programming ran from traditional classics to modern 12-tone pieces, has steered local music into a new direction, founding the Port Whitman Keyboard Ensemble, a full 60-piece orchestra employing electronic keyboards exclusively, to continue the community's musical traditions, hopefully satisfying the cravings of music lovers of all stripes.

At its first concert in Strong Vincent High School auditorium, the local glitterati came in full force,and the curious came from all strata of economic and social groups, filling every seat, showing their support for Maestro Backstrom and the Port Whitman Progressive Piano Society, proving that, as Barbara Weschler, chairperson of the PWPPS support group, stated, "Music of deceased composers isn't dead yet, so there!" The new group plans on presenting programs from living composers as well, the with names of pop and soul composers being mentioned, along with the time-tested traditionals.

Taking the podium in his usual white tie and tails, Mr. Backstrom led a group of keyboardists arranged in exact duplication of the standard symphony orchestra, a semi-circle around him, their Yamahachi-branded instruments looking for all purposes like rows of desks, with the "strings" in front, then "brass," "woodwinds" and "reeds," then the "percussion" in the rear, each keyboard set to play assigned instruments according to their section. Concert selections included "Symphonie Fantastique" by Hector Berlioz, "La Valse" by Maurice Ravel, "Rhapsody in Blue" by George Gershwin, and Duke Ellington's "Take The A Train" with impromptu jazz solos by random players selected on the spot by the conductor. "Just close your eyes, open your ears, listen and imagine" said the conductor at the outset.

The event was sponsored by Yamahachi of America, with their latest series keyboards supplied by the manufacturer through their network of music dealers in and about Port Whitman, and Freehand Systems, with MusicPadPro readers provided for each instrument. The keyboard orchestra concept is especially favored, and financed, by the Bilotti foundation, controlled by Charlene Bilotti, granddaughter of Dr. Louis Bilotti, a local surgeon and real estate investor who founded the Port Whitman Symphony in 1926.

There had been some controversy over the program and the choice of non-acoustic instruments, especially from traditionalists and instrument players who are not keyboard-qualified, thus excluded from concert personnel, but Backstrom plans to forge ahead with the players he has, augmented by advanced students specially selected from the Port Whitman Conservatory of Music, while offering a special brush-up keyboard course for any instrumentalists whose piano technique has deteriorated over the years. Many hurdles had to be negotiated, especially with the local musicians' union, and with the American Symphony Orchestra League, which originally thumbs-downed the project; however, Yamahachi International stepped in and applied its considerable economic influence to the groups, ameliorating the situation at least for the current season.

For its next concert, to be held this summer at the Port Whitman Dell, Maestro Backstrom has scheduled Gustav Mahler's "Symphony #5," The Beethoven "Eroica Symphony," special orchestrations of three Scott Joplin Rags, and the Spike Jones arrangement of "Cocktails for Two" with more impromptu solos, this time featuring the percussion section's novelty sounds. Auditions for keyboard players will be announced in The Port Whitman Times, and held by appointment only.

DADT INDEED!

So, does DADT Classic (Don't Ask Don't Tell) now morph into DADT Update (DO Ask DO Tell)? And does the old saw IGTOY (I'm gonna tell on you) suddenly become meaningless? Well, hardly. The same old prejudices still exist, just now they're out in the open. Result: HIOIG "Hooray, I'm out, I'm Gay" begets STYFF "Suck this, you fucking faggot!" The military service is a vast complicated world, with lots of people trying to prove or disprove things zeroing in on them from their civilian lives.

The new reg assumes that no one will care, but just look at the military types (think Ernest Borgnine or Burt Lancaster in "From Here To Eternity" - Lotta hard guys doing hard army time) and think how they'll react to HIOIG. Me? Frankly, I'd still keep my sexual preference a secret, not volunteering any information. My policy: NOYFB (None of your fucking business), because my sex life is MOA (My own affair). "Oh, but now it's different," you say. That may very well be, times and the rules have indeed changed, and odd as it might seem, there are GLBTQ men women who would still prefer to remain anonymous, even electing the battlefield instead of the safer office jobs they might land, just to prove that they have a mite of bravery despite their sexual preference. After all, sex isn't necessarily the defining characteristic of life, unless one lets it be so.

The whole situation seems like a live wire, dangerous to touch, even to get close to as its current could be transmitted through the very ground or water on which one finds one's self. Best to just avoid interest in the subject, thus DADT classic sort of remains the order of the day among the sensible. So DJTC, Don't jump to conclusions. Assumptions are dangerous. But then, in a military situation where troops' lives depend many times on interpersonal relationships, and those relationships are poisoned by sexual, often physical sensitivities, it's the difference between coming home in a uniform bristling with decorations or coming home in a body bag. War-oriented people aren't always the most finely tuned people, trained and required to make quick life-affecting decisions based on sometimes flimsy evidence, so it's not how you ARE, but how you SEEM that might influence the choice, and given that war is not exactly a game of parcheesi, it would behoove one in the service to seem to be that which would affect the decision favorably to one's own skin, no?

BTW, The reason for all this seems to be that that people still think that other people's sexual preferences are a reflection on their identities, their character as men or women in certain situations. But DJTC - to conclude such might be a mistake, though in the field of battle the way one reacts may indeed be a result of the way one is "oriented" - just have to wait and see, and that's the danger. In battle it would seem everyone's scared. One would think 'most everyone adjusts, if they're there, I suppose one just does what one has to, i.e., what's next, trying to avoid disaster while doing the job. When it's "kill or be killed" there isn't much choice, and sexual preference is secondary to life itself. And if what they say is true, one is born either gay or straight, well, you're still a target in a shooting war, but maybe from either side. There might be a difference in the shower, but the military isn't prison, one has the right to say "No." To say "I'm not of that persuasion, and I don't want to have sex with you."

Hmm, are you worried you might be tempted? Ay, there's the rub. So how about settling for DETAI, Don't even think about it. INOYB It's none of your business.

Special to
The Port Whitman Times
Henry Francisco

PRIESTLY PROSTATIC PRESCRIPTION

PORT WHITMAN January 4, 2011 - At the request of Msgr. Salvatore Mantuan of the St. Abdul Roman Catholic church, Bishop David H. Gray, who heads the Port Whitman Diocese, will carry a special supplication to the Papal Council on his annual pilgramage to the Vatican. The entreaty, couched in a formal letter with the official seal of the Diocese, will request that the catholic law against masturbation be eased slightly, to allow self-prostate massage. This will enable celibate priests to relieve the sex gland of built-up fluids as a result of sexual deprivation, and alleviate urinary-restricting Benign prostatic Hypertrophy (BPH) and other ailments frequently leading to deadly prostate cancer over a period of time. Recognizing that with priestly celibacy, common maladies peculiar to lack of sexual release are a real danger to the priesthood, and that normal masturbation usually requires a degree of morally degenerating fantasizing, the massage of the prostate gland, done through the anus, in a maneuver barely attainable by a male on himself, can empty the sensitive organ of fluids usually flowing out with normal sexual ejaculation, but without sexual orgasm. Thus, swelling, hardening, and later illnesses of the gland are forestalled, and later surgery can be alleviated, giving priests longer terms to be engaged in serving spiritual needs of Catholics.

One of the advantages of self-massage of the prostate is that of remaining trim, as it is necessary to somewhat contort one's body just to reach around, from a sitting position, and insert the middle finger, with the palm down, into the anus to reach the walnut-sized gland. In other words, fat priests need not apply for the dispensation, as it would be useless even to attempt the maneuver; they will thus be encouraged to lose weight, leading to longer lives of church service. In discussions of the move to send the request to Rome, it was at one point suggested that priests be permitted to perform the "finger-wave" maneuver on fellow priests so that overweight prelates be able to passively participate, but that was rejected on the grounds that it borders on forbidden sexuality, even if performed by higher-ranking Monsignors or Bishops. Rumor has it that the atmosphere of discussion became highly animated when this possibility was debated, with chubbier members of the local clergy coming close to demanding the therapy by fellow prelates. In the end however, it was rejected.

Since marriage for priests has been determined to be out of the question, it was concluded that some sort of therapeutic relief is necessary for urinary health; several options were considered, including masturbation without fantasizing, employing ice cubes or sandpaper, but alternate methods were determined to be completely out of the question. One member of the panel averred "What goes on in the mind of the self-gratifying priest could never be adequately monitored, and so is impossible to police."

When the contents of the letter to the pope was announced from the pulpit on a recent Sunday, objections were raised by the Order for Priestly Purity (OPP), an organization in St. Abdul Parish devoted to the ideal of priests as moral leaders. President of the OPP Miriam Cooney at one point threatened to picket the church with signs opposing the ordeal, but was finally pacified when it was argued that Monsignor Mantuan, a local favorite for many years, and a former Vietnam Veteran who became a Catholic in a battlefield conversion ultimately leading to his ordination to the priesthood, would be the main parish beneficiary of the exception to the rule. The Port Whitman Diocese will await the decision by the Vatican.

Special to
The Port Whitman Times
Henry Francisco